B008GMVYA4 EBOK Read online

  Phil had been virtually catatonic for the past 2 months. He was hardly capable of rolling over in his sleep, let alone walking up the stairs to Madison’s bedroom and making direct eye contact with her.

  Eyeing Phil suspiciously, Madison slowly got up to her feet. Wearily, she stepped towards him, her hands raised in a defensive fashion. Phil had been known to fall over when he was drunk, normally ending up in hospital with stitches. Phil wasn’t a big man and Madison had had to catch him many times in the past.

  “Wha… wha…. what” Phil slurred. A foul stench of whisky filled the air as his breath filled the room.

  Madison winced from the smell and swallowed hard forcing down the rising bile.

  “Dad? What’s the matter?” she asked concerned, studying his face but trying not to gag from the smell.

  “Look at you. Look at you. You look just like… her” Phil said a little more clearly, his face becoming soft as he spoke. His face froze for a moment, turning blank as he lost himself in his trail of thought.

  Madison concentrated on his eyes; they were softer than usual, like Phil had suddenly forgotten all the pain he had been carrying around with him for all these years. His once bright, sparkling light brown eyes now seemed dull and tired, large dark circles hung underneath his eyes - making his skin appear paler than usual. Phil looked completely exhausted, his fingers twitched at the doorframe as he tried to steady himself. Suddenly, without warning Phil’s feature’s hardened and his eyes flashing with hatred and anger. His gaze moved up and fixated on Madison’s face.

  “Are you alright?” Madison asked, taking another step towards Phil.

  “Don’t you. Don’t you dare…” Phil spat through his teeth, the foul smell of liquor flowing out into the room with each word. He threw his head away from Madison in disgust. “Dad?” Madison asked confused, placing her hand on Phil’s right arm.

  “NO! Don’t touch me” Phil screamed, shaking off her hand “I don’t want to see you again!”

  Madison’s eyes were glazed, hurt spread across her face.

  “Look, I’m really not in the mood for this tonight. So let’s just go downstairs…” she said shaking off the bitterness of his words.

  Phil flinched as Madison moved towards him. He threw his free arm back and balled his hand into a fist, throwing it towards her.

  Madison barely had time to react before Phil’s hard fist impacted with her left cheek. The force of the punch caused her to fly backwards and land hard at the foot of her bed. Her cheeks were scolded by hot tears as they poured down her cheeks; she cupped her cheek in pain. Her face became flushed and sodden by tears and her head throbbed from the impact of Phil’s fist. There was a dull ringing in her ears causing her hearing to become muffled and vague. Panic flooded into Madison’s mind, she had no idea what Phil’s intentions were or whether he would stop at just one punch. Madison had never been in this type of situation before with Phil and for fifteen years Phil had never laid a single finger on her. Madison knew how unpredictable Phil could be at times, but it had never come to this before. Phil’s twisted, hurtful words suddenly made sense to her and she finally had the answer she had been looking for. After fifteen years of neglect, guilt and misery the answer had been in front of her the whole time. The reason why Phil looked at Madison in disgust and why he unconsciously ignored at every possible moment was because Madison looked like her Mother.

  The urge to chuckle was overwhelming and she felt stupid for not seeing it before. She knew she looked like her Mother when Heidi had been her age, as Madison had looked through the family photo albums hundreds of times. The similarities were uncanny. Every one of Madison features she had inherited from Heidi, her long shinny brown hair, the small point of her nose and the fullness of her lips. The only part of Phil Madison had inherited were his light brown eyes and she was thankful that was all she had inherited from him – she didn’t wait anymore of his traits.

  Madison stared at Phil in complete shock, pushing down the urge to chuckle; it would only provoked him further. Pain spread to her eye socket, a hundred tiny needles piercing her eye. The tears still ran thick and heavy, but Madison did not cry out –the tears were automatic and uncontrollable.

  Phil remained still, he was just as shocked at his action then Madison was, but there was little regret or remorse in his eyes - they remained blank as his features turned to confusion. Both of Phil’s hand twitched at his side, his fingers flexing in and out, curling back into a fist - the whisky bottle sat limp in his other hand. His eyes turned dark again and anger flashed back onto his face. Before Phil could even flinch, Madison jumped to her feet and leap towards him, pushing him backwards out of the bedroom door.

  Phil stumbled backwards with little effort, he was still heavily under the influence and easy to manipulate. He stumbled into the hallway, falling over sideways at the foot of the stairs. The whisky bottle went flying, smashing on the floor next to him - spraying him with dark, brown, liquid and shards of glass. Madison paused in the doorway - concern and pity clouding her judgement. Phil shuffled on the floor grumbling, he pulled himself up so he was sat up straight.

  “Look what you’ve done, you stupid bitch!” Phil slurred, gesturing to the wet patch of whisky of the beige carpet.

  His thin, bony fingers dug at the wet patch trying to soak up some of the alcohol that had soaked into the carpet.

  “You’ve wasted it!” he yelled, licking the booze off his chubby fingers.

  “That’s all you ever care about isn’t it?! Your precious booze! You’re sick - you know, sick!” Madison screamed, unable to control the hurt and anger any longer.

  “What you’d fucking say….” Phil slurred angrily, struggling to get to his feet.

  Madison slammed the bedroom door in his face, twisting the key in the lock.

  Phil banged on the door in frustration, vibrations from the impact of his fist trembled throughout the room. He slurred a few obscenities through the door at her, none of them making any sense before slowly the hammering ceased. Phil gave up and went off looking for another bottle of Whisky.

  At the precise moment Phil’s fist hit Madison face and the shockwave of pain erupted, she knew this was it for her. She was out. All hope that Phil might one day wake up from this ever-lasting nightmare of booze and allow them both to move on with their lives had now diminished. Madison saw everything completely crystal clear for the first time in her life - Phil was too far-gone to ever allow that to happen. There was nothing she could do to save him now and she had known this for some time – just never wanting to admit this to herself. She had allowed Phil to bring her down too many times over the years and it was time for her to get away. Before Madison had even made the conscious decision she found herself pulling clothes out of her draws and throwing them onto the bed. Panic had made her actions erratic and she was almost hysterical with hurt and rage.

  She grabbed the large blue suitcase from under her bed and threw it open. In one foul swoop she swept all the clothes off the red duvet cover into the open suitcase. She froze at the sound of a slamming door – it was the front door. She raced across the room towards the bedroom window, her heart jumped up into her throat. Her heart beat increased, hitting her rib cage with force as she leant against the pane of glass, struggling to see through the pitch black of the front garden. Madison’s bedroom was on the left side of the house and the branches from an overgrown tree covered most of the window, only allowing a small proportion of the front garden to be in view.

  A shadowy figure caught her eye. Phil zigzagged down the garden path towards the road, his head lowered towards the ground and his arms stretched out propping himself up by the wooden fence. Tonight was the first night in weeks that Phil had left the house; some fresh air would do him good even if it was an attempt to purchase some more alcohol.

  A jab of guilt struck her and she began to doubt her decision to leave. Tears glistened in the corners of her eyes; breaking away from Phil was going to be more difficult that sh
e had first anticipated. After everything that had occurred tonight, Phil was still her Father and she couldn’t help but still pity him and there was still that want to help him. Madison could not excuse Phil’s actions tonight nor could she stand to live in this house with him anymore.

  Turning back towards the room, she stared at the open suitcase. Her heart fluttered in her chest and fresh tears spilled out over her cheeks. She winced as the salty warm tears soothed the throbbing sensation on her cheek. She remained motionless, fighting to get her erratic thoughts straight in her head. The image of Phil’s fist connecting with her left cheek, then Phil staggering down the garden path flooded into Madison mind. Guilt pulled at her heart strings once again, tears clouded her vision as she struggled to deal with her confusion. Madison gaze moved over to the closet on the right side of the room. Her mind began to refocus as she raced over to it and began to search through the many shoes and handbags. She pulled out a pair of knee high boots and a pair of black satin heels, grabbing a small black handbag she threw the items into the suitcase without a second glance. Standing on tiptoes, Madison ran her hand along the top of the closet. Her finger grazed across something square and solid. Stretching, she placed both hands on the object and pulled it down - it was a dusty old shoe box. Madison headed towards the bed with the shoe box clutched in her hands; a thick film of dust coated the entire box. Placing the box of the bed next to her, she pulled off the lid and scanned the contents inside. Madison eyes widened with excitement as the colourful pictures caught her eye. Momentarily forgetting the pain, she smiled as she flicked through the pictures. All the pictures were of Madison’s childhood. There were a few of her as a baby, others of her on her birthday - blowing out four candles on a big pink, frosted cake. Carefully - she started to pull out the pictures she wanted to take with her. The first one was a photo of Madison and Stephanie building sand castles at the beach when they were both in nappies, they both smiled up at the camera happily, covered in sand from head to toe. The next photo Madison wanted to keep was of her, Stephanie and Julie; all three of them were spread out over the sofa at Stephanie’s house, their entire bodies covered by a pink blanket - only their heads visible. Madison scanned the remaining buddle of photos, pulling out any good ones that were worth keeping. A face that she hadn’t seen in a very long time caught her eye, she paused at the glossy photo - it looked like it had only been taken yesterday. Heidi (her mother) stood in the centre of the photo, her long brown hair flowing down either side of her arms, baby Madison cradled tightly within her arms. A huge, ecstatic smile spread across Heidi’s face, revealing her perfect white teeth. Her warm green eyes stared down at Madison’s little face in complete amazement and joy, Madison lay asleep in her arms, wrapped in a pale pink blanket.

  She stared at the photo, studying every aspect of her Mothers face. It was the happiest she had ever seen her Mother in photos before. Phil had burnt most of the pictures of himself and Heidi after she had died. He couldn’t bare to look at them, but up until this point they had been dotted around the house. At a young age, Madison had managed to salvage a few photographs that Phil had missed when he decided to get rid of the all, she hid them away in the shoe box on top of her closet so he was unable to find them – eventually forgetting they were there. Madison gripped her chest as a sharp pain crippled her heart, it felt like someone had grabbed a hold of her heart and squeezed it tight. This pain was something she felt every time she saw her Mothers face, and every time she thought about her. It was a wound that had never properly healed and never would. It was a scar that Madison would carry for the rest of her life. The pain had eased as time passed and it would continue to ease for the rest of her life, but it would never heal and Madison would never forget or forgive.

  Carefully placing the chosen photos in her suitcase, Madison flicked through the remaining photos in the pile. Another photo caught her eye. She paused, scanning over the glossy colours of the picture. The picture was taken in the middle of summer at one of the local pubs Phil used to visit daily. Madison was 9 years old when the picture was taken; she sat on a picnic beach, the straw from a glass of lemonade dangling in her mouth. Phil sat opposite from her, a huge bright smile spread across his face. The normal glass of whisky clutched in his hand. He was younger, less frail and washed out then he was nowadays. The picture was taken when Phil resembled almost a normal Father, but even back then his problem was still present. The alcohol hadn’t consumed him entirely yet, but Phil suffered the effects of it – unable to go a single day without a drink, and the dark circles that hung around his eyes were visible in the picture even back then. Even back then there was a lifeless and glazed appearance to his eyes. Madison recalled the afternoons they spent in the garden of the local pub, she sipped lemonade while Phil drowned his sorrows in countless glasses of Whiskey. It was a time that had been long forgotten through the years of emotional and verbal abuse, back when occasionally - Phil would take care of her. Madison had always remembered the outings to the pub as happy memories. She would play happily on the swings with the other children - until Phil drank himself under the table and was kicked out of the pub at closing time. Madison felt like screaming out to the small girl in the picture, urging her to run while she still had her innocence and while she was still undamaged by Phil’s antics. In the next few years, things would become gradually worse for Madison and the years leading up to today would be horrific. All the good and terrible memories swirled into one big mass inside her mind. She felt poisoned by the hate and guilt that inflected her consciousness. Her head was in chaos. Her mind urging her to stay, convincing her that Phil would not survive without her, but her heart cried out for her to run. She knew that what had occurred tonight would happen again if she didn’t leave while she had the chance. She would be sucked into spending the rest of her life caring for her abusive Father. Phil had loved Heidi very much, but over the years that love had turned into hatred, he hated that Heidi had left him and he was completely broken inside. Staying now would only be a constant reminder of Phil’s hatred and for him; Madison would only be a constant reminder of that pain.

  A single tear ran down her right cheek, anger flashed fiercely in her eyes. She felt the pressure increase in her hands, rage thundered through her body causing her whole body to tremble. Her fingers scratched at the corners of the photo, threatening to rip it into two. A new rain of grief flooded her senses, tears gushed down her cheeks burning her red, swollen left cheek. She held the picture more carefully, no longer threatening to tear it, but gazing at it in remorse. A tear splashed down to the glossy picture, landing on the 9 year old Madison, she wiped the tear away with her thumb before pressing the picture against her chest - trying to comfort herself with it. The tears flowed thick and fast, but Madison remained silent - holding all her pain inside.

  The dull ache from her left cheek distracted her as she caught her breath - regaining control of her emotions. Pulling her lifeless body off the bed, she headed towards the mirror that was hung on the wall next to the bedroom door. It was the first time she had looked at herself in the mirror since the incident had occurred. She was taken aback by how unrecognisable her own reflection was, the left side of her face was very swollen and looked distorted compared to the right side. The delicate skin under her eye and eyelid was beginning to tinge a purple colour - tomorrow her eye would be completely black. Where Phil’s fist had struck her face was a large red bulge, which stood out from underneath her eye socket and it was already beginning to turn purple. Gently, Madison wiped away the tears that streaked her face, her stomach twisted into a knot as she studied her reflection. She felt sick and ashamed at the damage Phil had caused. Madison knew she couldn’t leave the house looking the way she did, grabbing the makeup bag from the dressing table on the opposite side of the room - she pulled out a small bottle of foundation. Madison squeezed some of the creamy peach foundation on to a small sponge and dabbed it gently on the large red bulge that had formed on her cheek. It stung, but Madison kep
t applying the foundation until the bulge was skin colour rather than a purple shade. Once she was satisfied that she had covered up the inflamed skin around her eye as best as she could, she popped the bottle of foundation back into the makeup bag and threw the bag into the suitcase. Madison collected her hairbrush and perfumes from the dressing table and placed them into her suitcase – zipping it closed. She headed back over to the closet and pulled out a mid-length black leather coat, and slipped it on. Grabbing for the handle, Madison yanked the suitcase up right and headed towards the door - twisting the key in the lock to unlock the bedroom door. The door unlocked with a loud click. Madison paused as the sound echoed around the quiet bedroom. Straining, she listened for any sound of movement in the hallway outside the bedroom door. Although she had watched Phil zigzag down the garden path, she was not completely convinced that she was alone in the house, an uneasy feeling niggled at the back of her mind, urging her to proceed with caution.

  Madison pulled the door open slowly, peering around the doorframe for any sign of movement - nothing. The upstairs hallway was pitch black and deadly still. The bathroom was one door along on the right, it was only a short journey to the bathroom to collect her toiletries, but Madison felt unnerved and frightened by the thick darkness that covered the hallway. Filling her lungs with air, she leapt forwards sprinting down the hallway, leaving the suitcase in the doorway of her bedroom. The light from Madison’s room bounced off the wall at the foot of the stairs, lighting a majority of the hallway for her. She grabbed for the door handle of the bathroom and panicked as her fingers only found the cold wood of the bathroom door. She scratched at the door frantically, searching for the hard brass of the door handle. Her fingers finally touched the cool metal of the solid brass door handle, forcing it down. The door clicked and flew open - catching the wind from the open bathroom window. Madison jumped as the door hit the bathroom wall with a loud bang. The bathroom was caked in darkness and the wind rattled the blinds causing shadows to dance across the bathroom walls from the trees blowing in the wind outside. Madison lunged forwards, grabbing her toothbrush from the sink, without stopping she sprinted back out of the bathroom door and headed back down towards her bedroom. When she reached the stream of light that flowed out from her bedroom door, she started to feel a little easier. Madison had always felt threatened by the darkness since she was a little girl, always unsure of what the darkness intentions were or what was lurking beneath its thick, unpredictable shield. The light always kept the ever consuming darkness at bay, protecting her.